I have spent the last year, reflecting on the 44 years of life we shared together and things I could have (and often should have) done differently - especially during my teenage years.  I am thankful we were so close and had such a wonderful relationship - although there were tough times - I choose to remember the good ones!!!  

I remember our cotton candy machine and koolaid ice cubes in Alabama.  I remember our apartment in Alexandria and the banana seat bike I got for my birthday - and riding it even though it was raining.  I remember the Christmas in that apartment when Santa came to visit while we were at dinner, to help us once again "believe".  I remember the UGLY oldsmobile "BETSY" and the rag top that was peeling off.  I remember working together at KMart and MDA camp.  I remember the packages you sent to me while I was in Turkey.  I remember the calls to you while I was there and the day I told you that you were going to be a grandma.  I remember your scent and your smile.  I remember my last words to you and the profoundly difficult time I had trying to keep a smile on my face for you. 

I swear you spoke to me the day before Christmas. You woke me up, nudged me out of bed and told me to call Toys-R-Us for that "ONE TOY" Caitlyn had to have - at 5:00 in the morning I might add.  But the feeling of it being you was so overwhelming I couldn't ignore it.  I called, and sure enough, they just had a delivery - off I went.  THANK YOU for helping me put a smile on Caitlyn's face.  When she is older, I will be sure to share the story with her so she knows it was becasue of you she got that gift! 

I think of you everyday.  I miss you so very much!  I miss the feeling of your soft skin and always telling you.  I long to rub the back of my hand against your cheek one last time.  I miss our daily phone calls and often listen to the voicemails saved on my phone.   I miss getting upset with you when I was driving because you gave the WORST directions, but smile when I am driving and am not familiar with where I am.  I miss sipping and sharing a glass of wine with you - and have a box of Stinky Pink that I drink from time to time when I am feeling sad.  I miss you so much and I am scared of the overwhelming feelings I have yet been able to feel, but are brewing. You are my world and I miss you more than I could ever put into words.  I am still at a loss at how such a caring, loving, generous and warm person could be taken so early in life.  I often get angry because I have had my mother taken from me far too soon!  I try to think of the life you may be living and the lives you are impacting, the smiles you are putting on faces, and the bellies your are filling - and it puts a smiles on my face - if even for a moment.

Mom - I love and miss you dearly - to the moon and back!  XOXOXO